Saturday, December 31, 2005

Person of the year

Today is the last day of 2005. To follow its ups and downs, I formed a committee (consisting of myself) to select the Bahraini person of the year. Since the committee spent the budget throughout the year, and most of it went to book the URL, we don't have a prize this year... We just want the winner to know we whole-heartedly support what they're doing.. and what they did throughout the year didn't go unnoticed.

As for this year's winner, it was a close race... but the winner is none other than Ms. Ghada Jamsheer.


The main reason Ms. Jamsheer is the proud recipient of this award, is because she fought, and is still fighting, what others thought was a lost cause. Unlike the other so called liberals of "We have a right," which should change its name to "We have Money," Jamsheer did not side with the government blindly on every issue. She faught the religious figures that wanted to stop the personal status law AND the corrupt judges and officials.

Other so called liberals are just making a boogey man out of the religious extremists, in order for us to side with the big friendly government that will protect whats left of our rights.

Ghada can see through that.. after she won her battle against the deep pocketed judges, she faced their counterparts outside the courtroom that want to show their might against single women with children by calling upon more than 100,000 people.

To Ghada Jamsheer, from all of us in the "Joker's person of the year committee" we would like to thank you for what you have done.. and we would like to wish you all the best for 2006 and for the years to come.

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Booming economy



These are real people.. not dolphines at Sea World jumping in hoops to grab a fish in an aquarium. These people, in Saudi Arabia, are not protesting for a mulla held at the airport... and they are certainly not celebrating the countdown to the new year.

Beleive it or not... the man on top of the van is throwing out application forms so they can subscribe to a new Initial Public Offering.. to own shares in a company going public. Can you fucking beleive this? These are the sophisticated investors... these are the entrepreneurs that, with their organization, operational abilities, and risk appitite in venturing, will lead us to a prosperous tomorrow!

Now we know oil is selling in the east and in the west like hot cakes... but why are we doing exactly? Are we spreading the wealth from the top of a van like a UN relief mission in Somalia? First come, first chairman on the board? Do these people know the ABC's about proxies, commercial laws, capital financing, or even signing contracts?

Everyone is upset about what happened to the people that subscribed to the NASS shares that were underwritten last month, and once they were listed, they fell in value... basically throwing money in the toilet... you know what I think? Serves them right! If you are so fucking dumb that you can't tell a company that piles dirt and mixes cement was over-valued.. Dana gas had a par value of 100 fils.. which underwritter in their right mind valued a couple of shovels for over 600 fils? And the bigger question is.. how dumb could you be to actually become greed blinded and buy it?!

Its the basic law of evolution.. survival of the fittest... if you're too dumb to hold on to your savings.. the fast talker with the shady lawyer gets to walk away with them.

Now the burning question is why do we have half of the people under age 24 out in the streets boiling with rage because they can't find a job.. where others are cutting each others' throats trying to get "a piece of the pie", and become Wall Street bandits and day traders.. just an hour away from here? Oil prices are going up.. and the smoke in the Awali sky tells me we're in the oil business.. so why are many of us out of jobs? Is it because we're handing out IPO shares to idiots from the top of a van?

Monday, December 26, 2005

Identity Theft

Last night as I was driving home, \"Girl you\'re my Angel\" was playing on the radio.. only it wasn\'t Shaggy and his feature singing it.. it was some country singer lady that probably wore 2 inch ear rings and high heel boots and sang about her ex husband that shot her dog at cowboy bars.

I don\'t know if you noticed this... but a couple of years ago country singers started remaking old black/soul music. White people.. you don\'t sing the blues.. you give black people the blues so they can sing about it! Can you imagine Tim Mcgraw singing Nat King Cole\'s \"unforgettable\"? Would anyone like it if Snoop Dogg sang Frank Sinatra\'s \"Thats Amore\"?

This identity theft is kind of funny. I read on one of the blogs about the 2005 bedouins.. long hair.. unshaved desert rat beard... and sipping a frappacino at starbucks. I donno about you, lawrence of bahrain-ia, don\'t you suppose a real bedouin drinks fresh goat milk in the morning? Young man.. its ok to go to private school and live in a Saar complex.. and I do see where you\'re coming from.. I see all the reasons why you have an inferiority complex that makes you want to turn into an Arabian Prince.

Because of the hierarchial society we live in, people have to conform to feel accepted. Some of us became very good at hiding their accents.. they seem to drop it somehow when they try to impress people with power and money.. and somehow it magically reappears when they meet up with their extended family members. Schizophrenia.

Thursday, December 22, 2005

Be safe out there

Lately, lots of metal has been colliding on the streets. All week I've heard different stories of people losing their lives on the main highways. As a matter of fact, a couple of hours ago I was told that 3 young men and a truck driver are no more because of what seems to be the latest in this string of accidents.
Now is not the time for the blame game... but I think I can propose a solution that might curb the frequency of fender benders going around town. First and foremost, we have to close the King Fahad Causeway at night. The traffic that comes here during the day is redicilus... I think its logical to start a cut-off period at around 11 pm. We can have a grace period during the weekdays maybe, but I think there is less necessity to go back to Saudi in the weekend at 3 in the morning right after happy hour. If you're coming here.. you're more than welcome.. stick to our rules. To those that might think that this might block some tourism dinars away, here is where you're wrong. We might end up making more. People will use the airport at night more often, especially the better off tourists, which means the airline industry might crawl out of the gutter... this also means the taxi's might get back in business... ask any taxi driver.. chances are he is not a very big fan of the King Fahad Causeway.. because they drive in their own cars.. And.. we will make money because the night cerfew forces people that drove in to stay the night here.. so they will probably have to crash in one of the fine hotels they probably spent the night in.. so thats hotel room revenue.. I'd say the pay-off evens out.. and the streets will be much safer because you'd have less drunks trying to cross the border at light speed so they can get home and take a piss!
Now.. the other proposal is to be more selective in giving driving permits. Not just any 18 year old gets to drive out of the traffic department on his birthday... I think.. if you fail a year in school.. that is one more year you put off.. you're not eligible for a license until you're 19.. and so on.. if you go to college early.. you get your license early as well to make it a fair deal. The point is.. if you spent more time studying and less time skidding and racing your car.. you'd pass school.. I wish they had an IQ test rather than an eyesight test over there.. if you fell in the lower quarter you disqualify... we want to thin out the weak genes behind the driving wheel.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Clash of Civilizations



People with middle eastern traces over in Australia are getting attacked. Drunk white boys are upset that some brown people (habeebs) look like a couple of young men that either blew themselves up in airplanes, trains, and night clubs; or attempted to do so in places like Australia.

Now I am part of the generation that was taught that people are differet... so cultures are different... not that they're good or bad.. just different.

After the US was attacked, and launched a war on terror, they were trying to win some hearts and minds by saying its not a clash of civilizations.. we're just out to get extremists. Extremists are the small outlayers away from everyone...

Well.. in Cronulla beach 5000 punks showed up just because of an SMS message.. they turned out with australian flags.. racist chants... and written offensive slogans on their shirts:

"Many demonstrators wore clothing with slogans such as "Wog Free Zone", "Aussie Pride", "Fuck Allah - save Nulla" and "Ethnic Cleansing Unit". Chants of "Lebs out", "Lebs go home" and other expressions were continuously shouted by many of the demonstrators, including families with young children"

5000 is not a small number.. so this kind of makes me doubt the conclusion that there is no clash between civilizations... the bad people on both sides are given too much ends of the stick... The reason why I think civilizations are clashing is most humans come from families of between 3 and 6... Osama bin Ladin came from a family of 55 brothers and sisters... On friday nights most people in the world are watching football games... in Riyadh, Karachi, Kabul, and Tehran they watch "criminals" get beheaded.. gives a new meaning to the word culture shock there...

I didnt have time to read the whole story.. but today there was a headline that the Saudi government is asking women to be realistic in their demands... sounds to me like they're saying car keys are a far-fetched dream...

All these australians marching down the coast kicking the shit out of "lebs"; and on the other hand, the Saudi's not standing for women driving a car, carrying proper identification documents, and TGIF fridays are handless theives and head-less fornicators really looks like a clash of civilizations to me.

Friday, December 16, 2005

No more music

Dr. Abdul Ghaffar, thank you from the bottom of my heart for banning that sour note of a musician Hakeem from performing in Teatro restaurant. You saved us from his foul voice and cheesy act. I was just wondering.. when will you get some balls and kick Michael Jackson out of Bahrain too? Or is it because a royal invited him?
Let me get this straight. Hakeem is public enemy, but Michael Jackson gets a house in a prime location? Not only that, I also heard he gets to open a boys school.
Congradulations on National day. As a concerned citizen, I feel I have to report that I was watching your television station this afternoon, and I saw some people SINGING about national day... can you beleive this? Not only that.. they were dancing.. right in the middle of the day.. and the mother of all horrers.. there were GIRLS TOO!
This has gone too far. Please roll up your sleeve and silence those sinners that sing about "how we have a great democracy" and how we "live in a country that allows everyone to express themselves." Its true.. dont get me wrong.. you're allowed to express yourself.. but not with music apparently..
By the way, doctor... have you heard the latest joke going around town? If you're unemployed hide any papers that show it.. or you might go to jail!

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Apple Cider again ?!

I knew apple cider was good for nothing since day 1! It says right here that the Jordanian students over at Apple Cider (the mother university) started a rumble with the GCC students over there.. picking up fights and what have you.. because the said minority won in the student elections over there. Apparently an Omani that was inaugurated with a pipe on his head, and other kuwaiti newly elected reps incited anger about Saddam and GCC nationals having more money. The Islamic movement (who else) accused the kuwaiti students of bribing voters to win, and apparently went on to start their jihad on them.
First of all, these people will never understand democracy. When will they understand peaceful succession of power? I mean who am I to blame them.. whats their role model in the greater middle east? Syria?
Second, if our students are -ALLEGEDLY- rich enough to bribe their way to office, why the fuck do they have to go to a second tier school in Jordan to get an education? Can't their governments afford a decent school here? I mean Kuwaitis apparently don't send warm fuzzies down Jordanian students' spines... why are they taking the frequent beatings from time to time? The quality of education there? Rather than send them by bulk to bribe their collegues, just build them a decent school here and hire good professors and buy quality books.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Cake or Death?

On my daily blog route, I saw a comment that basically said its a shame that blogger was a so-called-muslim. On another blog, I read a comment that basically called a very good friend not a loyal citizen and a couple of other racial remarks. (I at least hope it was the same person and not two separate people leaving those comments.)
My favorite comedian, Eddie Izzard, had a bit about the spanish inquisition in his stand up show "Dress to Kill." He explained that part of history as a red army that marched all over Europe chanting "Cake or Death! Cake or Death!" Meaning, if you chose to subscribe to their orthodoxy of Catholicism, you got cake.. if not.. they chop of your head. Not left with much choices there I guess.. and I wonder what happened to the people after they ran out of cake?
It kept me thinking.. Saddam Hussain, and many of his likes, stayed in power basically making it clear that if you disagree with me.. you are not loyal... and if I ever doubt your allegance.. I will kill you! In fact, you will have to work VERY HARD to stay alive.. because you have to customize yourself their interpretations or parameters, or they will strike with vengence.
What a rational person would consider independent thinking, they consider unloyal.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Tree doing the Ruku





Someone with lots of time on his hand figured out that a tree "somewhere in an australian forrest" looks like a man bending over, like a muslim prayer "Ruku." A bunch of people with MORE time on their hands actually flew down there to take a picture with a banner, and probably went to set up a souvenir shop next to it.

Islam's first confrontation was with the polytheistic arabs and non-arabs in Mecca that worshiped all kinds of stuff... just like that tree. In fact, the only way those pagan religions started at some point in time is probably because someone found a profoundly insignificant event or coincidence (like a bird that shit on his head for example) and ran back to his village screaming his lungs out because he thought he had a revelation.

There is an old story in Bahrain's history. I don't know it too well, because our history books at school are worth a bucket of hot spit, so its not very accurate... but it goes something like this:

Hundreds.. or maybe a thousand years ago.. the ruler of Bahrain, and the people back then were religious and kind of zelous... so one of the ministers.. or noblemen wanted to capitalize on their simple approach to religion... so he crafted a mold with scripts and holy writings... and placed it on a little orange or a fig (not too sure) growing on the tree in Ras Rumman. A couple of weeks later, when that fruit grew into proportion.. it had holy script on it... The ruler thought that God communicated to this gentleman through fruits... you can guess who was ordering stuff around after that.. thats until they found out that he was molding fruits to get them to read what he wanted...

Moral of the story is... don't make a big deal out of stupid stuff...

Note: My friend Profoundity Ferret has his own blog now. Please give it a look at jaffar-alomran.blogspot.com

Monday, December 05, 2005

Free my parking spot

This evening I was running late for my night class at BIBF. For a good 5 minutes I could not find a parking spot. Apparently, a new college is in business right in front of the institute. At the same time, there was a big basketball game in the dome near by, Manama was playing Ahli. It was a parking crisis.
This new college is called Applied science university I guess. For ease of reference, lets call it apple cider. Apple Cider pupils, let me tell you something your parents didnt tell you, just so they don't hurt your feelings. I'm about to tell you, to soften your hit with reality's cold brick wall. You are dumb. A degree from Apple Cider only makes you look like retards that drool in a cup. If you can't compete in a decent university, can't you at least see through the hoax of issuing you a worthless peice of paper that will not take you very far away from your day jobs?
Good students of Apple Cider... please realize that I need that parking space more than you do to go learn that 3 is a bigger number than 2. Please free my parking spot and realize that you need to pick up your shit at some point in life and not take the easy way out. I am sure it will work out for you somewhere else.

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Head in the sand

This past week and a half has been sort of eventful. We've had an honorable MP asking god to "show him a black day over the majority of the population", a young man accousing undercover police forces of unspeakable crimes, and civil unrest in old Mrs. Manama and new miss Seef.
Now doesnt this look like a slip up from the begining of the month when the Liberals tried to organize a movement "we have the right" and the Women's council was fencing with Isa Qassim and his followers about the personal status law, in a very civilized manner? Why did things go south all of a sudden?
Now that all that tear gas has settled, maybe its time to notice that lately when there was a flicker of constructive dialogue in our local politics (Wefaq remobilizing into the parliment, women rights activists and opposition lobbying for a law, businessmen with new ideas voted into the Chamber of commerce, liberals making a stand) someone must have pulled the rug.
The government as of yet has its head in the sand, waiting for this wave to pass. The high authorities in the land dismissed the whole parliment in 1975 not to be seen until the next millenium... I kindly ask you to dismiss one member now. We know its not the formal procedure.. but we feel that what he said qualifies as a misconduct that should not keep him in a decision making function, and certainly a breach of human rights. Thats the first thing I'd like to see. The second is, investigate the accusation of the midnight raiders. Be clear about getting to the bottom of this... Do us all a favor and put these issues to rest...